Dale is not Dale, but is instead a clone from the future.

The government manipulates our sleeping patterns.

Chemicals in the water are turning frogs telepathic.

Nope, this is not one of Dale’s theories.

Peanut allergies are the result of peanuts fighting back against humanity.

Fire ants murdered L. Ron Hubbard.

The pyramids were originally built upside down.

The Beast is using reverse psychology on you.

Clever AI--you're not fooling me this time.

The U.S. Postal Service and the Red Cross want American citizens to be fat and docile.

The best place to buy frozen pizza is anywhere near a nuclear testing site.

The Super Bowl is taped six months in advance.

In the future, windshield wipers will be obsolete.

I prompted ChatGPT to make up conspiracy theories in Dale's voice. I know--blasphemous. Only true Dale fans can tell the difference between the Real Dale Gribble, and "The Beast."